Apologies to Atheists

It’s not often we as Christians have to apologize to our arch-nemeses, the Atheists. In fact, if we can help it, we never do. We’re prohibited from ceding any ground whatsoever to our enemies, because as the Bible says in verse 4, “so that thou shalt not be seen to be wrong in all thy days, whithersoever thou havest thine ever.” But as with any rulebook, laws can be broken or bent whenever life deems it necessary.

When Richard Dawkins penned his magnum opus, The God Delusion, he never expected his words to be so clearly and thoroughly confirmed as they were just the other day, when the world’s leading neuroscientists (who specialize in mental illnesses, particularly those involving religious and fantasy delusions), chanced across what they’re dubbing, “f-(0011)-5H.” This discovery was, along with monumental, completely expected. To put it in layman’s terms, this team of dedicated scientists identified the very protein strand which comprises nearly .0001% of 1% of human DNA and affects the 31.7% of the world’s population from conception. Children who are born with this particular strand become – stay with me here – Christians. One of the oddest things about this strand, says the team lead Dr. Tealdeer, is that this strand occurs in the earliest samples of DNA that are available. One might say we’ve had it since humans came into being.

In his own words:

Never before, really, has the connection been made from DNA to, you know, uh particular, uh, behaviors. Up until, um, just recently, we’ve only been able to make deductions from lots, uh, of combinations of details which are in many DNA samples and people which, uh, correlate to behaviors – or all these people acted this way, and had this, these, uh, details. But when my friends and I saw this, we were all, ‘Finally!’ you know? And so we were able  to close the case on this religious delusion, and hopefully we will, uh, this will help the world to, you know, to progress.

He explains the origin and cause of this particular strand:

Maybe one of your grandfathers from, you know, way back in the hunter-gatherer times, you know, got some dirt on his food – and remember, back then, you know, we don’t even know the types of microbes or pathogens and bacteria that are, uh, were in existence. Or maybe he didn’t cook with the right temperature, or didn’t leave, uh, his raw pterodactyl leg out in the sun long enough, and this little creatur-… um, this pathogen got on there during the course of the day and virtually rewrote your grandfather’s DNA. Thanks to him, you know, you’re on Facebook having arguments with people who, uh, are completely reasonable and logical and rational, and they can only see that you’re, you know, sick. I mean really, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist. This is serious.

A colleague explained that children born from parents whose DNA contained this gene are at exactly 50% risk of being affected with it as well. Both climate and geography are always a factor, and this is seen in particularly moderate to warmer climates where the risk percentage reaches to 62%, or in some cases, as high as 80%. Sociological factors are almost completely incidental. She went on to explain that children may be born with this strand, and yet struggle against its effects unwittingly, which we might see resulting in children who leave their families affected by “Christianism” and go on to become logical thinkers, with peripheral emotional baggage. These “apostates” are able to understand the delusional teachings of Christianity more clearly than their family members, this colleague says. As an aside, these kids have more highly developed fast-twitch synapses in the parts of their brains involving motor skills and fine detail, which are most clearly seen demonstrated by the majority of Call of Duty video gamers.

When asked whether an antibody is being developed to combat this condition, Dr. Tealdeer is quoted as answering, “I, well [laughs], I can only hope. You know, I mean, if something like this were to hit the public all at once, you know, people are content to live in this, uh, this reality they’re created. So I don’t think, right away, that something like this would be a good thing. It’s good that we know, you know, uh, but you know, uh, we have to learn a little at a time.”

And so I apologize to every one of those atheists who have ever told me in conversation that I am delusional, or that I suffer a sickness, because you are right. As Christians, whenever faced with truth, we are to be silent, listen, and change. And this is what I hope to do in the future. I only ask – because I cannot help it – that you pray for me.

The documentary and details concerning above can be found at this site here.


Nicholas Potts

Great word.

However, are you citing like Ergun Caner? First paragraph says, “in the Bible, verse 4…”??? what book and chapter? lol

Matthias McMahon

Oh man, you’re on to me! Yes, I am in fact citing *exactly* like him, in that that verse may not actually exist 🙂

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